I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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