I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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