we have pet lesbian snakes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
