saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
