woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
