God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
