Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
