I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
