it wasn't lemon gatorade
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We have started to decorate penises.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
