But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
