a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
