i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
