there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
