these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
