her vagine was all disorganized.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
