Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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