There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
