happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my sisters under your porch take her home
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
