bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I didn't notice because vodka
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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