PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
