For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
