He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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