Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
