How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
