that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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