Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
