My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
