New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's blow job season.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
