My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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