Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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