PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
