I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
