I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
