Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
