I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
