i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
