I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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