i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
