I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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