Do vagina's smell?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
3 2 1 whiskey
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
