Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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