She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.