You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dating After Heartbreak
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday