they're staring at me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂