i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
