Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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