I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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