It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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