the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
