It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
