Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
