i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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