dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
