Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
