Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
