I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
