these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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