oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
