I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
