Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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