happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?