I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
