doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
