Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
