Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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