I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize