Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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