ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
