I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
