So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
