When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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