i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
