home. puking in laundry basket.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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