____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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