I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
