Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
