Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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