She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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