Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
