And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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