How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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