Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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