i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
